I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
