Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
