How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
