found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
