I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
