How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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