walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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