I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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