Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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