I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
