apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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