do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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