I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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