I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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