i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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