ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Need sex. Gaining weight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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