idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
