We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize