Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
