You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
