When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he had hair everywhere except his balls
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize