About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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