ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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