No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
