whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
