Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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