I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
