you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
