Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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