i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize