i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize