He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
