I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
