tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
