I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
