I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
