I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
