I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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