So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
