A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
