I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
