I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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