I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
