I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
