we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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