I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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