I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
