so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
