you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
