The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
