loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
