At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
