All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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