i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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