Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
