I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
