he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
