Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
