you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
