I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
