remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize