I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You made out with two different species that night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize