I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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