Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
