I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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