dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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