My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
