Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
