Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
