just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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