There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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