so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Watching her eat just hurts me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
