Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
