Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
