Can i not drive my cunt home
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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