Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
