Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
